Superior's Load
by Blood-On-Glass
Summary: It was hard for Ed to understand that others might understand what he was going through. He takes one look at Colonel Roy Mustang, and only then does reality sink in. No slash.


AN: Because I'm obsessed with the idea of Ed being friendly toward Roy Mustang.

Warnings: Spoilers, but I'm sure if you're reading this story then you already know about Hughes' death. Triggers, maybe? I don't really know. Angst for sure, though, but that's basically the majority of all my stories.

Summary: Maes Hughes' death hits Ed hard. So hard, that's it's difficult for him to imagine the pain others are going through as well. Then he sees the state Roy Mustang is in. An alternate scene after Ed learns about Hughes.

His heart dropped beneath the floorboards, his metal fist was tightened so hard he was thankful for the first time in his entire life that it wasn't made of flesh. It took Edward Elric everything he had to not sink to his knees and begin sobbing on the floor. Al was looking at him and Ed swallowed thickly. He wouldn't cry. He didn't deserve to. Not when his little brother wasn't able to shed a single tear. It made Ed wonder that if Al was in his body, if he would be crying right now.

Maria Ross was. She clamped a hand over her mouth like a parent who accidentally dropped the F bomb in front of their young child. A tear slid down her cheek and she ran away, clearly unable to face the consequences of what she accidentally just did. Ed didn't blame her, she obviously was unaware that everyone else was going out of their way to hide the truth from him. He thought back to when Mustang first lied to him and told him that Maes Hughes had retired to the country with his family. Lieutenant Hawkeye had looked at her superior in surprise like she herself was hearing the news for the first time. Only now did Ed understand her shock. Mustang was the one behind the lie. It was his idea to 'protect' Ed from the truth because he apparently wouldn't be able to handle it. No, he didn't blame Maria Ross for him so harshly discovering the cold, hard truth. . . He blamed Colonel Roy Mustang.

"Brother," Al's metallic voice was full of concern and grief. "Brother, are you okay?"

Like Maria Ross, Ed ran away, too. Although unlike her, he wasn't running from the truth, he was running toward it. He was heading straight for Mustang's office. Al's clunky footsteps told Ed his brother wasn't far behind, but he didn't care. He barged into the Colonel's office, ignoring the Lieutenant's sound of surprise.

"Edward?" she asked hesitantly. The look on her face told him that he was interrupting an important conversation between the two.

Still ignoring her, Ed marched up to where the Colonel was sitting behind the desk. Mustang was looking at Edward like he knew exactly what he was going to say, and for some reason that pissed Ed off even more. "Bastard," Ed growled. "You were too much of a coward to tell me yourself so you waited until someone else accidentally let it slip."

Mustang looked at Ed in the eyes for a split second before dropping his gaze down to his desk. "This isn't the way I wanted you to find out, Fullmetal. I'm truly sorry for-"

"Don't apologize to me," Ed hissed. "Apologize to Maria Ross, the woman who had to break the news to me."

Mustang looked Ed in the eyes again. "I'll make sure to do that. In the meantime, I need to to calm down."

"DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN, YOU-YOU BASTARD!"

"Edward-" The Lieutenant's tone was warning, but Ed once again ignored her.

"You were the one who wanted me to become a state alchemist in the first place," Ed reminded Roy angrily. "Yet you were the only one who wanted to treat me like a kid in this situation."

"It wasn't your age that made me make this decision, Fullmetal," Roy said. "It was the fact that I knew you would blame yourself for Hughes' death when you didn't need to. You and Alphonse have a very important job to do and you need to focus on that. Don't you want to get your body back? Don't you want Al to get his?"

"Of course-"

"Then don't let this get in your way. He wouldn't have wanted that."

The anger within Ed seemed to fade and it was replaced with the feeling of grief and sadness again. "You're right. I know you're right." He looked down at the floor, not wanting to see the Colonel's smug look, but when he finally gathered the courage to look Mustang in the eye, he didn't see a trace of smugness. Mustang's dark eyes will filled with nothing but grief and sorrow and a hint of regret.

The Colonel rised from his desk. "Would that be all, Fullmetal?"

Ed nodded slowly. "Yeah," he whispered, but he was a bit distracted. When had the Colonel lost so much weight? And since when was he not clean shaven? It was like Ed was seeing Mustang for the first time that day. Now that he stopped focusing on how angry he was with Mustang, he was able to see how much this had affected the older man, too. Without another word, the Colonel left his office, leaving Ed alone in there with the Lieutenant.

"I understand where you are coming from," she said. "But you have to understand where he is coming from as well."

"I do," he told her sincerely.

"The two were good friends," she whispered sadly. "They had gone through so much together with the war and all. Excluding the Hughes family, this is affecting the Colonel more than anyone." Riza's fierce brown eyes locked with Ed's golden ones. "Please don't be so hard on him." Her voice was uncharacteristically soft, making Ed feel even more guilty about his earlier outburst. "He's already so angry with himself I don't think he could take it if other people were angry with him, too."

"Why is he angry with himself?" Ed asked. "Is he blaming himself?"

Riza winced. "He tried to phone the Colonel while he. . . was getting killed. He was murdered in the phone booth. There would have been no way to save him in time, but the Colonel of course still blames himself."

"I had no idea." Ed felt like the biggest jerk in the wanted to slap himself in the face. Hard. With his automail hand. "Damn, I need to go talk to him. Where would he have gone?"

The Lieutenant seemed to think about it for a second. "Maybe check the library."

Ed was out the door in a second. A confused Al was waiting in the hall calling after him, but he ignored his little brother, wanting to find the Colonel so desperarly. He had no idea what he would even say to Mustang once he did find him. He wasn't good at apologies, and the Colonel probably wouldn't want to hear one from him anyway, so he wasn't sure where else to start. He shrugged it off, figuring he would just wing it.

He entered the library. It was completely dark, Sheska probably already went home as it was fairly late. He was about to leave the room when he heard Mustang's voice.

"Fullmetal?"

Ed turned on the light, and sure enough Mustang was sitting at one of the tables. "Colonel, what are you doing in here with all of the lights off?"

"This is where he was first attacked," Mustang said, not answering Ed's question.

Not wanting to push it, Ed didn't re-ask his question though he was still curious. Instead, he sat in the chair next to Mustang at the table and nodded slowly. "I see. . ." He was again distracted by the Colonel's appearance, though this time due to his blue military jacket being discarded, Ed could really see how much weight the Colonel had lost. Seriously, had he been eating at all this past month?

"That idiot," Mustang whispered under his breath. "I'm still trying to figure out just what he was trying to tell me. For all I know, he could have been asking me for help to take down whoever it was that killed him. He sure as hell needed it. . ."

"You really shouldn't blame yourself, Colonel," Ed told him quietly. "If you keep punishing yourself, you'll forget all about the people that are still here with you."

Mustang ignored Ed and stood up from the table. "I'm going home. See you around I suppose, Fullmetal."

Ed hesitated for a moment before grabbing onto the Colonel's arm, stopping him. "Can I trust that you'll actually go home and take care of yourself? Or are you going to spend all of your time at home letting all of this slowly kill you?"

Mustang pulled away from Ed, his dark eyes full of confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"Don't act like you don't know what I mean," Ed ordered angrily. "You've lost some weight, clearly from not eating. You also look like you haven't slept in a month. He-he wouldn't want you to do this to yourself. He wouldn't want you to bare this load."

Mustang threw Ed up against the wall, pinning him down with his arm. "You need to learn your place, Fullmetal. What makes you think you know everything? What-what gives you the right-" Mustang's voice began to break and he slowly moved away from a shocked Ed and began to head out of the library.

"Colonel," Ed began, but Mustang didn't answer, not that he expected him to. Ed wanted to say something else, but knew it wasn't necessary. He may have angered the Colonel, but there was nothing he said that was out of line. He knew he needed to get through to the Flame Alchemist, and he could only hope that he was able to.

"Brother!" Al came running up to where Ed was still standing in the library. "I just passed the Colonel, he looked upset. Brother, what did you do?"

"Hopefully lifted his load a bit," Ed answered. "It's obvious he couldn't carry it on his own. Someone needed to say something otherwise he would have slowly killed himself. If there is anything I know about the Colonel, it's that he likes to take the blame for things that aren't his fault. Maybe it's easier that way because he doesn't want to think about it being someone else's fault. Someone he cares about."

"I guess you two have that in common," Al said.

Ed couldn't stop the smile that came to his face. "Yeah, I guess you're right."


End file.
